Zardari is not a noun…it’s an adjective!

He comes on TV screens and I give a standing ovation. Who says I don’t respect this old toothy hunk? As for the walking away part right after standing up. . . ermm well, he moves me literally *straight face* . Since this blog is highly apolitical, I beg the pardon of those who want to sue me for this blasphemy =P . Relax O’ country men! He can’t be my ideal or idol anyway, your mental well-being remains your personal matter though. While I am at it for the third time, previous ones being this and that, let me tell you that my physiology Head of the department is a Zardari too. As he also gives me creeps I conclude anybody can become a Z at any time. Mood swings and hormonal shoots are definitely  conspicuous to you, how about zardariness then? If you keep that between just you and me then I can tell you that I get mild zardariness attacks too when I am home-sick and cranky. Once we locked up our warden’s house from outside and the next day pushed our friend towards a girl we don’t like in such a way that five girls were jolted in the end. Why did we do this? Because we were being zardarioid! Months ago we had our practical exam and we were confined in  room from 8 a.m to 1 p.m without having nothing to pass time with, not even with books. Can you imagine? Since we did not have breakfast either we asked our teacher to give us a break. She yelled at us for being so childish and silly. The doctors in us diagnosed the very cause of her apathy instantly: Zardariness!

Website for this image: forum.pakistanidefence.com

Zardariness has no limits but my lameness does. I honestly know how lame it is to yank his highness in every cheesy joke I crack but my obsession with him is quite bizarre. My sister thinks I don’t have better things to blog about but what if its a more serious matter than that?  What if I am developing a secret crush on him not knowing myself.  :s *Yikes* since you neverrrrrr know! :/

Shoelala – The story time…

My 4th grade teacher had a thing for imaginative powers. In free periods, she used to make us practice weird yet equally interesting activities. One such was based on a combination of scenery + any animal+ connotations. We were supposed to shut our eyes tight and let our minds drift along our imaginations. Right after feeling detached from the surroundings, she used to ask us bring forth an animal in the foreground. Out of pure nostalgia, I want to make an interesting offer;  Lets get a little more creative. Lets imagine things, forget the real world for a while and  fabricate a story.

Suppose we are living in prehistoric time. We are not much civilized either. The image is distorted and blurry like how good old PTV was famous for. Things clear up a bit and with squinted eyes we can spot a herd of people chattering loud. They are all alike except for one. He can be set apart from the crowd. Is he not handsome? My interest gets perked up. His eyes are gloomy and dark that speak of some untold tragedies. We are told he lost his counterpart some years ago but one man whispers ” That’s because his public reputation has finally dawned on him.” Good or bad? We won’t get judgmental here. The settings suggest that “the man” is no less than a king. We step closer and notice just below his nasal portion lies two sets of protruding teeth. One can’t help marveling at the king’s grin that is accentuated by those big teeth. One can’t help aiming at them and shooting just at the center of them, either. That depends on perspective really. At once, he starts mumbling something. Casting a spell, I suppose. Apparently people are bored to death. The king is maneuvering their attention towards him and under his control like Bella Swan does in Twilight saga. A little difference is here though. The king won’t be able to handle them once his focus is disturbed. But one man tends to act like a spoilsports. He is sitting in the first row right next to someone whose name somewhat rhymes with Tiara, they say. The spoilsports is itching his back badly, disturbing literally everyone. Tiara hands him prickly heat powder. ( OKAY, I know its stone age and we don’t have prickly heat powders. . . but Tiara is a man capable of saying and doing anything ) . Just when we are busy arguing over the prickly heat powder, the king gets distracted because of that itching man and his focus is altered. DAMN! Someone at the back makes the most of this and throws something leathery on his face. It looks like a fabric made submarine but that man was wearing it as a footwear. We are gawking at this weapon in utter confusion when suddenly our king- the hunk, falls flat on his face. Just then Tiara stands up and tells everyone to shut the hell up, insisting that nothing such has happened. Lets recall that its stone age, we can’t have footage so anyone can defy any incident easily. People smirk at Tiara, taunt at him but he just runs towards his master. The king cant get up. He is morally wounded or may be that’s mere assumption. He manages to scribble down something on a piece of a wooden bark. He writes something we can’t decipher. Is that written in Hebrew or that’s because his writing is ugly? What did he write? Did he bequeath his organs once again? Did he write his last wish? Is that a message for someone special?
To know this we should travel some centuries forward in our imaginations.
So this is 2010. Phew! Things are familiar. . . We can’t decipher black boxes but fortunately, we can decode exotic writings. Umm… ok. that’s it. Eureka! We found it.

Lets get back to the real world now while I leave you with the message by the king. It says : kuch khapay na khapay… atleast jooota na khapay! =P

P.S : Did I mention its ALL fiction? 😉

Top five reasons why I hate you so much!

 

A face only a mother can love.

 

Let’s start with something even “you” could not help i.e

the Reason no. 1) Why Oh why did not someone just steal you as soon as you were delivered on  26th of julyy . Could not some nurse sell you to anyone after all you were so handsome even as a child. You could be worth err . .one-time meal to some poverty stricken nurse. Could not you? Had you not been born and brought up by a feudal family like yours , m sure we did not have to endure you as Mr. P (Read: Pee)  !

Reason No. 2) :
Screw arranged marriages! Why could not you be brave and daring enough to marry a woman who deserved to be your life partner? Why did you end up marrying a total arranged marriage?  Quoting from somewhere :

“In Pakistan, there is more respect given to married women than to single women. Additionally, a single woman would not be allowed to be head of state. This reality helped B make the decision to agree to an arranged marriage.After their arranged marriage was announced on July 29, 1987, A sent B roses every day and gave her a heartshaped ring of diamonds and sapphires. B had met A five days before the public announcement of their planned winter wedding. “
Aha!!!!  how pathe/roman-tic . . .

Reason No. 3) :
YOU BEQUEATHED YOUR ORGANS????? @#$%^! YOU!

I mean excuse me, You could have been generous enough to donate your whole self as a cadaver to medical students like us. .  we would treat you really well. But what the hell you did? :-s It concerns me so much that a person would not mind implanting artificial organs. but yours? *peeeeeyooook* :s

Reason No. 4) :
I know your fruit-bearing international tours are more important than national disasters but Your Highness !!!!! why don’t you just shift over there and spare the pak land? If you’re not comfy with ruling over phones? you can always make your governing page on Facebook ? or you can run commands over twitter. I assure, we would remain as happy for you as we already are.

Reason No. 5) :
I could not make a nice cartoon of you. 😦  Sooooo, m sad! Why could not you have some features easy to draw? You have utterly disappointed me. Hmph! Since I can’t take it anymore, m publishing this mentally defecated material =P Peace out!