The day an Average Virgin Pakistani Voter was banged. (PG18; Of course)

I can almost pull an Urdu novelist here: Her hands were still adorned with henna when the in-laws started making her suffer. The henna crusted hands washed the laundry, mopped the floor and the person who was the sole reason of that henna was none the wiser.

So soon, so heart breaking-ly soon.

FINE! That doesn’t sound as dramatic as in an Urdu drama setting but you get the picture.

The average Pakitsnai virgin voter, felt the same. The inks on thumbs have not faded as yet and we can sense the disappointment in the air mainly because Karachi gets its air recycled from Quetta and not from Punjab. (This is in accordance with the legends of Kolachi, never jotted down, vertically transmitted from mother to child and no, it’s not racial against Punjab so shut it.) As confusing as the usage of parentheses by this politically incorrect blogger was the average voter on this fateful day.

We dreamed of a hot Prime Minister because girls have hearts too, remember? We wanted someone actually parha likha who wouldn’t rape the most animated inanimates like Urdu and English, who knew his shit  and owned it with less of a cheshire cat smile and more with a big head on his shoulders. That man was Imran Khan, hands down.


We were thrilled, we were excited. In short, we were drunk on placebo. And what a placebo it was!

Now that we all (Read: Virgin Voters) wanted PTI to storm the national assembly with the said tsunami, the provincial bit was tricky. The provinical bit was very nasty. Ironically, we might hate some Chowkidaaars even though we know they are the best for our muhallas. Same is the case with PPP in interior Sind, MQM in Karachi, PMLN in Lahore. While an outsider would hate parties like MQM or PMLN, these are the only parties who do ‘something’ for their respective cities. Consequently, masses ignore the fishy/terrorist tendencies and act selfish. Hate it or take it, this is how it is. That being said, friends joked how they wanted NAYA Pakistan and PURANA Karachi.

While that doesn’t mean I support Altaf Hussain or his shenanigans, (this being just an example) I have a high opinion of some individual representatives of MQM. Point being this, when there was no balla in the white paper the second best choice was MQM per se. While you might (definitely) hate me for this, I voted for PTI in NA. Before it looks like an apology letter for voting for MQM, let me clear that I’m not happy with either of the votes.

One party keeps fucking Karachi while owning Karachi, the other party doesn’t give a fuck and did not even bother supplying balla in every constitutency. I don’t know which one’s worse.

While the system remains intrinsically corrupt, we can’t even say we were not warned. TUQ and then had saner opinions here.

Confusions, confusions.

The first-time voters had their first encounter with reality and they couldn’t digest it. They couldn’t digest how their vote couldn’t bring a change overnight, how people in slums couldn’t want a naya pakistan, why people in Lahore would want Shareef again, hell they couldn’t even realize why everyone was making fun of them and hence they (we) felt the betrayal, we were dejected. Some even tweeted that’s how a breakup would feel. Ell o ell! Ironically, many got their inspiration from Tahrir SQUARE, vowed to revolutionize the system when the normal sensible response was to approach courts, filing complaints and so on but who’re we kidding? The funniest uproars were heard from the people who couldn’t even vote being younger than 18 and those too who spent the day retweeting the controversial tweets rather than making an effort to excercise their right to vote.

In all this scenario, MQM remained MQM and Imran Khan called the elections a success. (OUCH) The only people who were emotionally and physically drained were the virgin -innocent -so easily- exploited youth.

What Elections 2013 yielded was a great turn out, increased political awareness, increased traffic on the Twitter  timeline of political diarrhea which may or may not be the best thing, only time would tell.

While the ECP must do the damage control in terms of transparency and re election of certain constituencies, the bigger picture would remain as it is and all these volatile hormones would simply keep transmitting frustration in the air unless you realize why you were screwed officially in the first place, unless yourealize that you contribute to the society not by ‘outrage’ but by channeling all this extra energy into significant projects, education being the easiest channel.

On a side note, Please check the meaning and spellings of CASTE, CAST, BALLET, ‘CASTED’, ‘LOOSE’ while you’re at it.

Peace out and oh, good luck with protests. 🙂


Just another Virgin Voter.

Carnage, End of times and all that Jazz!

All hat just had to happen.

The rows of disasters antd calamities huddling like beads of a rosary, the countless accidental deaths on daily basis, massacres deglutioning whole communities,  sectarian riots,  all that simply had to happen.

Hello the Historian out there! When was the first time you reported any incident disturbing the peace of the world? Cain and Abel’s dispute, right? But Cain did not hang Abel upside down. He chose to bury him, rather ashamed, after observing how a crow ( Raven, actually) buried another.


Oh wait the Evolutionistis here too. So? Like you know Cain’s little jealousy for his brother grew stronger day by day that resulted in the first murder on the earth. The murderer had no choice but to pass this evil gene down his offsprings. First mutation, note that down Sir. If we assume jealousy a standard gene, a rough cross matching between the genes of a normal person and a jealous one gives the following result; 25% offspring will be normal, 25% would be jealous and the rest 50 % would be neutral. This is how we multiplied malice over time.

Here comes the Psychologist . What do you say eh? Ain’t jealousy the mother of all evils? What made Iblis the Satan? We call someone a psychopath who loses self control over normal Dos and Don’ts, means we are normally capable of curbing our weaknesses. But what we did was to nourish and feed the evil monsters within and breed even more stronger evil ones.

That said I add that lynching in Sialkot, Suicide bomb attacks and target killings now and then do not surprise me anymore.


The intolerance, malice, hatred, jealousy, apathy we brewed up for generations are served today publicly as per customer’s taste. You can’t brush it under the carpet because its no more the grains of dust but a stiffened mountain.

Let’s talk to Physicist now. You told us that entropy leads things to the worse and whatever created has to perish progressively.  If we apply this general law of Physics to everything what gets proved is our frailty and God’s supremacy.

Ask an Environmentalist, He says producing certain chemical compounds deplete Ozone layer ; the layer that God set as barrier between the earth and the radiations for our safety. He also says that deforestation and hunting of animals destroy the ecosystem, the role of which in maintaining a balance on earth has not been understood fully yet. He further says that you cut the Mangroves alongside the beaches and you are likely to face such calamities.

And there you go all the sane men! The Almighty made you His supreme creations.He blessed you with a mind capable of nailing almost every mystery of the world. He gave you much common sense, much intellect to invent the things for your defense and progress.

And O Dear Countrymen, My fellow Pakistanis! Pity that we are Sindhi prior to a Pakistani. Pity that we think building dam will rob us off our precious water as Punjab will usurp it all and rein our sources as if Punjab is another country,  another state.

Pity that we are Punjabi prior to a Pakistani. Pity that we are always desperate to pwn our country to this peak that the other provinces whine in insecurity.

Pity all of us as we are rightly delved into self-pitying thinking that its God’s curse that we shoulder so many coffins a day, that we play Holi with blood and gore in our streets. Pity that we are Shiites and Sunnis and not the Muslims and then we blame Him?  We point our fingers towards the Heavens and question His mercy? We ask him why He sent us flood? Why He let so many people die if He were as loving as seventy mothers?


We probably are waiting for Him to yell over the skies that O my Creatures, Give me a break! You are the ones screwing up your nature, cannibalizing your instincts, fiddling with the environment and then you call this as His curse when you yourself initiated a vicious cycle. We are here for what we did or what our fore-fathers did and we will reap exactly what we will sow today.

While the sand of times is leaking away due to the punctures we made, we still have the time to do something better. We still can become a better person for humanity and for morality. We can fix our flaws before being lowered down into the graves . We can change what will happen to us on the Doom’s day and in the after-life despite how much jazz it seems. But in this world with everything totally effed up now,  I despair whilst writing that all that just had to happen.

La Roja . . .and M. Amir is funny! =P

I am not much into sports. The reason simply being lack of know-how about the game rules. I always have to bug my bro at each whistle ( the one that referee blows of course) to tell me what on earth is going on. But yeah I do have a thing for sports be it soccer, cricket or badminton. So here goes what I mean to condense; two hilarious sports moment on consecutive days . With the hyped-up twenty twenty cricket match b/w aussies and green shirts, I was there too just sitting idly in front of  TV. Why idly? because a team as unpredictable as Pakistan has failed to infuse that patriotic spirit in me that it used to do some years ago. So there I sat neutrally and totally unbiased for the heck of it. Amidst Papa’s paranoid prophecies and bro’s pro-pak comments I smirked and wore the smug expression for the rest of the time. Thence were the last overs that had to stamp upon the game’s fate and there came the lad who sometime does wonders.And there came the sight to behold.; An exultant  bowler almost hugging the batsman he ousted . LOL . In his excitement  he did not even bother to look around or assess that to whom he leaped into. We all broke into laughter that turned into a still smile as pak won the trophy. 😀 😀

The second thrilling incident was the yest’s fifa world cup match b/w Germans and Spanish. A match I anticipated like anything . Spain played like they’re trying really hard. And that’s what I loved about the game. They dominated the possession and won the game alongwith my heart. lol . I felt like a Spanish yesterday as I experienced the same enthusiasm that should be rejoiced by their people only. My heart danced as they celebrated. I was really happy and that confused me. May be what I call infused-racing-blazing-patriotism is just adrenaline with some ml of endorphin and nothing else. Who knows. What concerns me and I anticipate next is which colour sprouts over the globe on 11th July. My heart quietly insists : La Roja!