La Viva La Embebeass-aaaaaa!

Take it as a foreword. The title above is no Spanish whatsoever its just lameness personified inspired by la modes, duh. I would owe you one if you get this embebeass-aa and move on. Thank you.

LA EMBEBEASS-AA:

M.b.b.s was a major turn off. Once upon a time that is.

The past tenses make me delve into self pitying when the hermits I mocked all my life resemble me so much today. Dilated pupils, gaped mouth, zero sense of humor, dropped shoulders and etc etc.

The mirror blurted out finally that I was the dumbest of all.

Zindagi ne zindagi bhar gham diye.

 

Life could be less pathetic if that were not for hostel. Hostel life and med student life?  Ultimate (autolyic ) combination. Current affairs were confined to hostel premises and so I lost track of all the hustle bustle of life outside my habitat.

Even the Ninjas had a life.

 

Our source of entertainment and knowledge became Pratigya and Big boss. Thanks to the caliber and guts of people around, I had to do as the Romans did. ( I am sorry I could not stand Pratigya though). All the interest in sports was soon limited to kho-kho. Julian Assange was leaking something, I came to know one day. I thought about Detrol as a treatment for his bladder control but I couldn’t follow up more.

Obama chughalofies.

This brings us to the more critical issue that explains my harmless naïveté more convincingly. La viva that is.

La Viva:

We had a life. We had better things to do. We were loved and we had a family. Pity that our mighty teachers never came to know this. 8th December 2010, 8:30 a.m was one such day and time when I got severely appalled by the viva vice. Fine, that you test our knowledge but I demand a rather kind, encouraging attitude of teachers toward the students kiun k teacher bhi kabhi student thi. My pulse rate was 155 per min prior to the viva just because I came to know that the teacher who was about to take my viva was the one I feared the most, added to it was the remote possibility till yesterday that it could really happen. I survived it fortunately. Bottom line is just that I waste my days studying like a donkey ( Don’t try to tell me that even they don’t :/ ) and my life is a dungeon where I sit by the gutter line and think about the most shitty things possible.

Suffocated I am and all I need is a Goddamn break! Feel free to cheer me up. Thank you. =P

Barbecue Tonight!

Months ago when I started blabbing online, loud enough to dedicate a lameness filled, so-called ‘blog’ for it, a few things I observed quite soon. Firstly, narcissism is a genuine turn off. Secondly, online bitching about your acquaintances and others actually disgust your readers cum wanderers to the core. As for me, after a hectic day I always look for something that could refresh my senses and enlighten my mood. Narcissism and bitching? No thanks!

That was the story till yesterday. Mood switches and with all impulse twitches,  I hereby forewarn you to discontinue reading if you are or have been as selective reader as me… for I be the great narcissist, touching the borders of nihilism and the bitch-versus-the-bitch participant tonight. Yes I am mad for the forgotten and unforgotten reasons both. Apart from the fact that we have to stay two days more in the hostel as our test got postponed, agitation as the aftershock still prevails about the last two days. I would love if ‘you’ happen to read this. To make things clear, please embrace the fact that like you and your kind I do not take things on the face value. I am not as dumb like you either to not understand the malice and that avenging potential infested in the air when you utter a single faking, flattering word. O’ Your bitchy-ness! I so am honored when you roam around wagging your fat little tail in order to please your fellows including me but that does not make you any better as the dark disfigured heart cries in sheer agony when you ‘apparently’ does not abide by its desires by your fake-ness. Take my sincere advise, you better be yourself despite how much your ‘self’ sucks. It will keep you contented too, I guess. Since I’ve already bidden you TATA to the hell, kindly stop bugging others to mediate as well. You win in just this way that I experience immense hatred right now which of course is not a pleasant feeling but that I’ll survive by tomorrow for sure. Anyways, I better not waste much time typing up this. A 20 minute spitting session was more than enough. I shall cremate my hatred along with the recipient in the very premises of my hostel. There you would lie in the wobbled intestines of all these animals that I hate here. Happy being barbecued!

Sympathies are highly unwelcomed =P

They say when life throws you lemons, make lemonade. Unfortunately they don’t tell you how to gulp it down if it tastes like diluted acid,  giving burning sensations deep down your entire GIT.

Lets begin at the beginning. Unlike other smart people who vividly remember their first day at school I don’t remember even a minute detail about my early school days. I can imagine little Zehra singing twinkle twinkle little star in chorus. Or can I?  Imaginations run wild and they have to for I lack real grounds when memories of that period of life are concerned. On the contrary, as a child how I spent my days at home are vividly engraved on my memory slot. Maids used to look after me but just as my mother used to enter home I was always clinging to her. Frankly, I never cared if she was tired after a hectic day. All I cared was to fulfill my desperate urge to sit on her lap. Till 3rd grade I never walked on foot much. I was always carried by her as my little feet hurt while walking. Till the same grade I used to drink milk and other beverages by feeders that we had to hide when our qari sahab used to come, in order to avoid mockery from my cousins.  She used to bring feeder to my bed and sit with me until I doze off.  Ammi and I were such an inseparable duo. Our relatives always made fun for that and she always laughed it off. All was well till that day.

That day I was offered a seat in the college I study today. I guffawed at that idea instantly. I mean come on what was there to even give it a second thought? 320 miles away from home… from her? Fine that I was desperate to get into medical school and fine that it was the last option, but that did not mean this. Convincing sessions ensued by.  Firstly from parents to me thence from me to friends. Days passed and I was there amidst other hostelites. You can imagine how a pampered child like me could behave in such circumstances. Phone conversations with mother never went without a lump in the throat. Sister’s chattering and teasing other family members made me experience pangs of jealousy. They were there enjoying a happy life and I was lonely, sobbing to myself. There were times when I cried out loud in hostel washrooms and my friend had to tell me to lower my volume. And there were those moments too when I burst into tears while talking to warden. That’s what I became in six months. Cranky and wayy sensitive. A teasing here, a pother there and I was all tears. I remember my facebook status just before I was going to hostel. It said ” For 19 years my parents nestled me, now at once I am supposed to spread my wings.  That makes me realize that I’ve forgotten how to fly.” May be I  just need to grow up now. Today is not a different day. Going back after two months. My suitcase lying at one corner. All set to board the bus around 2 pm. I am not meeting Ammi’s eyes for I don’t want to become all emo again, making her sentimental too. Its okay probably. Many fancy living in dorms . I wasn’t that kind, now paying the price. I apologize if you’ve managed to read so far. That was just emo-pana topped with dorm-iness .LOL. For those whose heart goes out to me this moment, kindly re-read the topic =P byes 🙂

Me and my antics. . .

Return to Hostel expected in a couple of days, I am losing my sanity here by staying up all night staring across the window. At nights I just cant help waiting for another day to dawn upon. During days, I keep wondering when will the day end into darkness. I am killing my time these days being vagabond and I know that very well. Hard to say, but I desperately want to get back the momentum of studies soon. Fingers crossed for the 1st semester’s  marksheet too.

Suffer with my lameness below, while I try to compose a better post. byes! (: